Giving Up

I even don't know who I am right now...I feel so tired and helpless.. I'm trying to get better. I want to get better but I can't.. I want it to stop, but I can't..

in the midst of this pain, I know that you are there God... I know that You're watching me.. help me and remind me who I am.. renew my heart.. renew my passion.. help me to be a better person and help me to overcome this battle.. I can't do this on my own so please help me God.

I want to fight. I'm still fighting.

He saw me...

Sunday will always be the day that I'm waiting for for the whole week.. eto yung araw na ii-spend mo sa church for the whole day, listening, talking, laughing and sharing the word of God.. pero simula 2014, I don't know what happened.. tinamad akong gumising ng maaga, I feel so lazy going to church.. until this day (feb 23, 2014), natulog lang ako till lunch.. I don't want to go to church and I want to make some excuses.. but then, kahit late, ayun dinala pa rin ni Lord yung mga paa ko sa church..

pagdating ko dun, iba lang yung feeling.. I was speechless, I don't even want to sing..  then I just noticed that tears fell on my eyes.. then sinasabi ko nalang kay Lord na, "pagod na pagod na ko" .. I was struggling.. there's a battle within me that I cannot defeat.. then all through out the praise and worship, I was just crying.. asking God for forgiveness and asking Him to renew my strength .. tapos yung message pa eh parang saktong sakto lang sakin..

---we are God's soldier and we're meant to be victorious.. whatever battle that we're going through right now, God can provide a way out for us.. He will never let His soldier be defeated :)