Giving Up

I even don't know who I am right now...I feel so tired and helpless.. I'm trying to get better. I want to get better but I can't.. I want it to stop, but I can't..

in the midst of this pain, I know that you are there God... I know that You're watching me.. help me and remind me who I am.. renew my heart.. renew my passion.. help me to be a better person and help me to overcome this battle.. I can't do this on my own so please help me God.

I want to fight. I'm still fighting.

He saw me...

Sunday will always be the day that I'm waiting for for the whole week.. eto yung araw na ii-spend mo sa church for the whole day, listening, talking, laughing and sharing the word of God.. pero simula 2014, I don't know what happened.. tinamad akong gumising ng maaga, I feel so lazy going to church.. until this day (feb 23, 2014), natulog lang ako till lunch.. I don't want to go to church and I want to make some excuses.. but then, kahit late, ayun dinala pa rin ni Lord yung mga paa ko sa church..

pagdating ko dun, iba lang yung feeling.. I was speechless, I don't even want to sing..  then I just noticed that tears fell on my eyes.. then sinasabi ko nalang kay Lord na, "pagod na pagod na ko" .. I was struggling.. there's a battle within me that I cannot defeat.. then all through out the praise and worship, I was just crying.. asking God for forgiveness and asking Him to renew my strength .. tapos yung message pa eh parang saktong sakto lang sakin..

---we are God's soldier and we're meant to be victorious.. whatever battle that we're going through right now, God can provide a way out for us.. He will never let His soldier be defeated :)

there's no word such as an 'accident'

nakaka-amaze lang si Lord :) every time na magfa-flashback ako, parang napapa-wow lang ako sa mga ginawa ni Lord :)

so let me share to you one of my story na masasabi kong there's no word such as an accident kay Lord :)

it happened May 2012 when I started to fix my requirements para sa pagtransfer ko ng school.. as far as I remember, 2nd week of May ako nag-ayos ng requirements para mas maaga ko din makuha yung papers ko.. pero ang nakakatawa mas nauna pa sila choy na matapos mag-ayos ng requirements sakin.. bakit?? eh kasi naman hindi ko rin alam.. haha joke lang.. ang dami lang nangyari.. wala pang form137, mali ang spelling ng surname ko, and then ang tagal bago mapirmahan yung papers ko.. every time na naaalala ko yun, natatawa ako, kasi kailangan yun pa talaga yung gamiting way ni God para makilala ko si ate anj / ate marie (siya kasi yung sa registrar) .. kung hindi pala ko nagtransfer ng school eh hindi ko pala siya makikilala.. and nakakabless lang talaga ^^ .. bukod kay tortoise, nagkaroon ulit ako ng ate :D

and favorite verse ko talaga toh... "all things work together for our good" Romans 8:28

minsan kung ano pa yung ayaw natin, kung ano pa yung masakit... ayun pa yung nangyayari.. katulad nga nung sakin yung sa pagtransfer ko ng school.. but then, all those things, all those pains.. ayun yung ginagamit ni Lord kasi may gusto Siya sa'yong ituro, may gusto Siya sa'yong ipakilala.. and never waste that opportunity and privilege to be used by God.. kaya kung sino man yung mga taong pinapakilala sau ni God, for sure there's a purpose behind it.. either may gagawin ka sa buhay niya or may gagawin siya sa buhay mo.. :)

never complain, never ask why.. just OBEY God and He will surely bless you :)

Exercise Your Faith

are you in the point of your life where everything is messed up and you just want to give up? kelangan mo ng healing pero lalo ka pang nagkasakit.. you are in deep pain but it seems like wala naman nangyayari every time na tinatawag mo Siya.. gusto ko lang i-share itong verse na ito...

"He never doubted that God would do what He promised. He never stopped believing. In fact, he grew stronger in his faith and just praised God. Abraham felt sure that God was able to do what He promised."

image from google

Romans 4:20-21 (ERV)

may we have that faith like 'Abraham's faith' where he did not doubt and he did not stop believing even when it seems so impossible.. exercise your faith .. kung binigay nga ni God ung kaisa-isa Niyang anak ano pa kaya ang hindi Niya kayang ibigay? He can and He will fulfill what He has promised :)

for our good :)

at this moment, dapat busy ako sa pag-prepare for tomorrow's defense.. pero ayaw pa ng mind ko mag-focus sa research kasi grabe lang ung joy na nararamdaman ko ngayon :D

I just realize how blessed I am.. naisip ko, grabe talaga si Lord :)

"all things work together for the good" -romans 8:28 (esv)

minsan may mga bagay sa buhay natin na we question God bakit ito nangyari/ nangyayari.. minsan nagagalit o nagtatampo tayo sa Kanya.. but then.. He knows what He is doing.. alam Niya kung ano yung makakabuti satin at hindi.. He knows how to handle every situation in our lives.. and pag dumating ka sa point ng buhay mo na hindi mo gusto yung nangyayari.. TRUST HIM .. may dahilan kung bakit nangyayari yun..

and as proven in my life.. narealize ko lang na siguro kung hindi ko pinagdaanan yung mga bagay na yun, kung sumuko ako agad.. wala ako dito ngayon.. I mean.. without those trials, without those situations, hindi ako ganitong kasaya ngayon.. :D

kaya always remember na if you are bombarded with trials at this moment, God is doing something... He chose you to experience it because He wants to change and use your life :)

it's TIME!

photo taken at LPU cavite :)

ang sarap sa pakiramdam nung feeling na may nagmamahal sa'yo no matter how imperfect you are... yung tipong kahit ang dami mong nagawang kasalanan, He loves you the same..  and that love is from Christ :) .. call me crazy 'coz it really sounds so crazy, pero yung crazy love na yun yung tanging dahilan why I am still alive :) and that same love yung gusto kong i-share at maramdaman ng mga tao sa paligid ko..

last time, habang nagmumuni-muni ako, I was amazed kay Lord na ang dami pala Niyang dinagdag na mga tao sa buhay ko.. and ang tanong, bakit? para san? .. I believe na every person na pinapakilala satin ni Lord is for a purpose, either we need to encourage them or sila naman yung makakatulong satin.. and sabi ko, I was very thankful sa mga taong nakilala ko ngayon, pero ang tanong, may nagawa na kaya kong impact sa buhay nila? I mean, naparamdam ko ba sa kanila yung love na naexperience ko kay Lord?

it's now time for me, and for us to stand.. :)
okay, sabihin na natin na sa una eh sympre makikiramdam muna tayo sa kanila, but after how many months, siguro kailangan na natin mag-stand and share that love we have experienced from Christ .. kasi kung tunay mong naranasan yan, dapat sabik na sabik ka din i-share yan kasi ayaw mong ikaw lang ang nakaka-experience niyan :)

be the SALT and LIGHT in this world -- matthew 5:13-16

A Song for Him

"Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks..." Luke 6:45

I was the youth at the back part of the room.. crying, so lonely, and feel so alone.. You told me that You are there, You can be my friend.. but I refuse Your love, I reject You once again...

and day goes by, You never stop calling me, You never stop until I said 'yes' ... and that 'yes' starts a new beginning, a new relationship that feels so different..

and I just want to say thank You Jesus, thank You Father, thank You my Best friend, for reaching Your hands to me... I just want to say sorry Jesus, sorry Father, sorry my Best friend for rejecting Your love in my life...

I feel so blessed having You in my life.. and I thought I could not ask for more, but here the tempter comes.. stealing the joy You put in my heart...

I thought I was different now.. I said my life will never be the same again.. but why I am here in this situation once again, hurting You and acting like I don't even know You in my life..

I need Your comfort right now. can You please hug me so tightly, and whisper in my ear how much You love me...

and I just want to say I need You Jesus, I need You Father, I need You my Best friend.. come and change my life again.. please hug me so tightly... love me forever.. hold me so firmly.. 'coz I don't want to be away... away from You...

-- ow yes... feeling writer si ako.. hehe pero basta bigla nalang siyang lumabas at aking isinulat :) .. ayun, ung chorus pa lang ang may tono.. the rest,.. kayo na bahala ang maglagay :D