Okay.

Sobrang saya. Sobrang okay ang lahat. Biglang boom!!! Nagising ka nalang isang araw, wala na siya, wala na yung tao/bagay na mahalaga sa'yo.

Pag kinuha ni God yung pinakamahalagang bagay/tao sa'yo, kaya mo pa ba magpasalamat sa Kanya?

Madaling sabihing oo. 'Life goes on' ika nga nila sabay ngiti na parang okay ang lahat. Pero ang totoo, gusto mo nang sumigaw, umiyak at maglaho na lang sa mundo o di naman magtago na lamang sa loob ng pencil case at maging lapis.

Mahalaga sa'yo yun eh! Tapos bigla na lang kukunin sa'yo, mawawala ng basta basta, ganun nalang? Maaari kang magalit, magtampo, magtanong. Ilang araw ka mawawalan ng gana mabuhay, malulungkot. Pero lilipas ang araw, buhay ka pa din.. unti-unting sasaya. Hindi dahil okay na sa'yo yung nangyari kundi dahil unti-unti mong nakikita yung dahilan kung bakit nawala yung bagay/tao na mahalaga sa'yo.

Maaaring ngayon nasasaktan ka, lumuluha. Pero tandaan mo na sa bawat patak ng luha mo ay may naghihintay na magandang istorya na maaari mong ibahagi sa ibang tao.

Reflect: Pag sinabi ba ni God na isuko/ bitawan mo yang tinuturing mong mahalaga sayo, willing ka ba (it may be your dreams, secured job, relationship etc.) ?

Mahirap, pero magtiwala ka na may gagawin Siyang maganda sa buhay mo :)

Not Again

Can I Just Jump?

Can I just jump? and end everything?
No. Not. Never.

There's so much more in life. I know that the pain I've been feeling couldn't compare for the joy that awaits me if I passed all the test in life.

I could say Im tired. Tired of pretending to be strong. Tired to be alone. Tired of being judged . Tired of being left behind. Soooo tired.

But one good thing about having this heavy feeling is knowing that God is always by my side. Not because Im good. But because He just love me the way I am. He knows every tear that comes out of my eyes and He is just there to wipe it and comfort me.

Im tired. But I wont give up.

Suddenly



Isn't it amazing that in just a snap, God can change your situation? All you have to do is to surrender your life to Him and believe that He can do the impossible :)

That night was one of the weirdest and best feeling I've ever experienced.. 'a sweet goodbye' if I should term.. A feeling of amazement and gratefullness... whispering to God 'thank you for using her to bring me back on track..' Thanks Ach :)

The journey of this life wasn't easy.. of course satan is not happy seeing you living in the light that's why he will do everything to distract you.. but hey.. Hold on! God can give you the strength that you need to win the battle.. He can do a great 'suddenly' in your life.. He will not stop sending His instruments to help you grow in your christian walk :)

Keep on fighting!
Keep walking in the light!
Live to make an impact :) 

Malayo

Asan ka na?
Parang ang tagal na ng huli tayong nagkita at nagkausap..
Mas masaya ba dyan kesa dito?
Akala ko saglit ka lang mawawala.. Pero dumaan ang linggo.. buwan.. sumunod na mga buwan.. hanggang umabot na ng taon.. Wala ka pa din..
Sagot mo.. andyan ka lang naman.. Nagaantay na may magaabot ng kamay.. Nagaantay na may makakarinig sa puso mong umiiyak at sumisigaw ng 'tulong'.. nagaantay sa taong tutulong sa'yo para ikaw ay makabalik pero wala..
Pagod ka na.. Mas marami ng tanong ng 'bakit? Paano? at hanggang kelan?' ang tumatakbo sa iyong isipan.. pero sa gitna ng kapaguran, isang mainit na yakap ang nagpaalala sa'yo kung sino ba talaga ang kailangan mo..
Hindi mo pa din alam kung paano makakabalik.. pero lagi mong tandaan na Siya lang ang kailangan mo.. lumayo ka man ng pagkalayo-layo.. hindi Siya mapapagod sundan at ibalik ka sa piling Niya..

lumaban ka.. Laban lang.. di ka nag-iisa.. makakabalik ka rin :)

need YOU now...

it's been a long journey...
too many ups and downs...
I've been wounded and hurt..
will I ever be healed?

I've been running too far..
I thought I was happy...
but in the end,
I see myself crying...

I'm tired and weak..
don't know what road to take..
I need Your hands..
can You take me in Your arms?

reminder

No matter how many times people in this world made you feel that you're worthless.. always remind your self that God will ALWAYS say to you that:


You are LOVED.
You are WORTHY.
You are FORGIVEN.
You are MADE FOR MORE.


Dont mind the pain and the scars.. God can heal and comfort you :)




Still fighting,
Bulalay 👽

sa tamang panahon :)



Yung darating yung araw na pagtatawanan natin yung oras na hinampas hampas mo ko at yung oras na sobrang takot at kaba ka dahil sa first timer ka sa church.. aantayin ko yung araw na yun.. Yung araw kung san naggrow ka na at sa araw na yun nirereminisce lang natin lahat kung paano nagsimula yung journey mo kay God :)


PS. Sa araw na yun, sana buhay pa ko para sabay tayong nakikipagfellowship kay God :) at kung wala na ko, I hope and I pray na magkita tayo sa langit at dun tayo makikipagfellowship kay God at magkkwentuhan ng ginawa Niya sa buhay natin :)


iloveyoudearestBestfriend :)

unknown..

I miss you... yes YOU ARE! I miss your voice.. Your beautiful voice that sounds like an angel when you sing.. I miss the way you smile.. Yes your smile that inspire me.. I miss the way you laugh, the way you speak, the way you joke.. I miss the whole you :(

I was surprised that you're now leaving everything behind .. You're leaving me :'( I was calming myself saying it's okay coz i know you'll be happier with your choice but it was really painful :(  ..and everytime I remember you... one phrase will always come out of my mind.. 'I miss you' :( :)

Thank you for being my secret friend.. My secret inspiration.. My secret smile.. and I know all of these things I said were unknown to you or to anyone because it's a secret that I keep between me myself and I.. and of course with God :)
I will really miss you :( :)

something weird :3

"I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept my faith."

2 Timothy 4:7

weird feeling.

seriously!

haha... malapit na bang matapos ang time ko sa mundo?

I don't know...

nakakakaba? nakakatakot?

Hindi ko talaga alam...

nakakatawa na ewan.. feeling ko mamamatay na ko.. haha bakit ang daming out of nowhere nag-te-thank you sa'kin bigla.. hala! haha grabe nakakaloka sila.. tapos habang nagaayos ng settings sa facebook, I dont know bakit na-click ko yung sa "legacy contact (a legacy contact is someone you choose to manage your account after you pass away)" .. sa sobrang kaba ko., inekis ko yun .. :( nakakaloka na ewan talaga...

anyways.. seriously speaking...

Pinapakalma ko talaga yung sarili ko.. first thing.. wala naman akong dapat ikatakot or what kasi nasa buhay ko na si Christ.. siguro may takot para dun sa taong nasa paligid ko.. wala lang.. haha Pero kung ano man ang mangyari.. gusto ko yung time na meron ako dito sa earth magamit ko ng tama :) ayokong sayangin yung time ko.. ayokong mag-give up.. ayokong mawala in my walk in my faith.. gusto ko kung times up na ko sa earth datnan ako ni God na tapat na naglilingkod sa Kanya..

yung verse sa taas.. ayun yung gusto kong sabihin kung matapos na ang time ko dito sa earth.. :)

no matter what happen.. I want to stay focused on Him... I want to continue living for Him.. I want to inspire people.. I want to be  faithful.. 

enough na yung 'for me' .. dapat 'for Him' na :) 

unworthy or worthy?

Sabi ng isa sa smallgroup ko dati.. Ako daw yung taong hindi makikita sa everyday life nila.. yung tipong bihira lang nila maeencounter sa buhay nila.. Sabi naman nung isa.. nakaka-amaze daw ako, kakaiba daw ako, nakakahinayang lang kasi kaunti lang yung close ko.. or should I say ilan lang sila.. Haha dalawa lang ata sila??

But then, di ko alam pero bigla na lang pumasok sa isip ko.. Kung ganun ako.. bakit ako iniiwan ng tao sa paligid ko?? bakit sila nawawala?? bakit walang nagsstay bilang pinakamalapit sa'kin?? Bakit walang nag-eeffort na mangamusta?? I think I'm just really not important to them... I'm worthless...

Then this 113015 .. Even the day before,I was just really stressed.. di ko alam ang gagawin o sasabihin.. gusto kong tumakbo palayo.. malayong malayo.. gusto kong umiyak ng umiyak.. gusto kong maglaho.. yung tipong "Lord tama na po yung pain".. :( there's a different battle within myself :( at dahil nga doon.. nagkagulo-gulo na at may nadamay ng kaibigan.. seriously.. I need a friend at that moment.. :( kaso nasaktan ko pa yung kaisa-isang taong napagsasabihan ko :( It was painful but it became even more painful.. :( :( Nung natulog ako, mabigat pa rin sa pakiramdam.. I was just crying and crying.. yung feeling na ayoko na.. ayoko na lang magising.. gusto kong magpakalayo.. but no! kahit gusto kong magdeavtivate ng account sa facebook ayoko.. kasi may mga taong mahalaga sa'kin dun na gusto kong malaman ang kalagayan..

From this pain.. I'm still asking myself am I really worth it? Were there people who really care about  and understand what I feel??

Then I realized.. "hey jam.. There's a God who's always been with you.. There's a God who cares.." I've became so selfish minding only my own emotions/ feelings.. Though sinasabi ko na minsan na "Lord selfless na po eh. Masakit na po.. Kulang pa po ba?" Then a picture of Christ dying on the cross will suddenly appear on my mind.. Enduring the pain.. Becoming so selfless.. 

YOU ARE WORTHY IN GOD'S EYES.. nung last time na nag-uusap kami ni Dar, tumatak daw sa isip niya yung sinabi ko na, "bakit mo hahanap yung worth mo sa ibang tao eh kay Lord naman makikita mo yun..."

People are not perfect.. Nasasaktan din sila.. At kung ikaw ang nakasakit you should face the consequence.. Be humble enough to ask for forgiveness.. Wag mong isipin na bakit ikaw ang mag-a-ask ng forgiveness eh nasaktan ka din naman... Yes, you are! take the first step to ask for forgiveness .. bakit? Kasi naramdaman mo yung worth mo kay Christ.. na kahit hndi maganda ugali mo mahal ka pa din Niya...

again.. people might fail to make you feel how important you are but then, always remember... there is Someone up above who knows you are worth it.. you are worth having.. you are LOVED :) ... there is Someone up above who cares and understand what you feel :) ... there is Someone up above who will never leave you nor forsake you :)

something unexpected :)

I want to stop asking God why... gusto ko nalang mag-thank you ng mag-thank you :) Madami pa din tanong pero mas nangingibabaw yung 'thank You Lord' :)

I don't know what happened pero nagising na lang ako one day na may kaibigan na ko :D ... it's not that wala akong kaibigan haha pero ang hirap i-explain :)) Haha and bakit nga ba sinusulat ko ito dito?? wala lang :)) haha.. I think it's something na gusto kong balik-balikan pag dating ng araw.. it's a memory na forever kong ittreasure :)

it happened last Sunday (11-22-15)
seriously, takot ako sa tao.. hindi ako sumasama sa tao basta basta.. mas gugustuhin ko pang maggala or maglakbay mag-isa kesa may kasama ako.. haha introvert eh! :) pero ewan ko ba bakit pag kasama ko si secret friend ang gaan lang sa pakiramdam :) feeling ko matagal na kaming magkakilala.. napaka-komportable ko pag kausap ko siya.. :)

ang nasa isip ko sa pagpunta ng tagaytay eh magpapahangin lang talaga kami para matanggal ang mga stress at lungkot na nangyari from the past days but I don't know what happened at nakapag-share ako sa kanya.. I really don't talk to people when it comes to my personal story.. Yes I do write what I feel and some of my story but even my notebook doesn't know my life.. haha mas komportable lang ako na ako at ang sarili ko lang ang nakakaalam.. but then nung nagkwento na ko kay secret friend.. wala ewan.. nakakatuwa lang.. :) siguro nga first time kasing may nag-care na marinig yung story ko.. first time may na-curious sa buhay ko.. first time na may taong handang makinig dun sa nonsense na kwento ko :)

all throughout na nag-uusap kami ang gaan lang sa pakiramdam.. and naalala ko lang yung shinare nung isa naming kasama sa office nun nung OJT days.. 'shoulder' is the best part of our body.. bakit?? "because it can hold the head of a friend or a loved one when they cry.. everybody needs a shoulder to cry on sometimes in life..." and totoo nga ito.. napatunayan ko lang ito nung habang nag-uusap kami at tuwing magkasama.. it's good to have a shoulder! haha :)))

ang haba ng aming pag-uusap.. ang daming similarities na nadiscover.. and siguro nga isa yun sa reason ni God bakit kami nagkakilala.. :)

palubog na ang araw.. ang sarap pagmasdan.. ang gaan sa pakiramdam tuwing nakakakita ako ng sunset at ang pag-antay sa paglubog nito ay kakaiba sa feeling :) ang saya! mas sumaya dahil sa mga nangyari :) .. bago kami umalis hindi ko alam pero gusto ko talagang mag-pray.. mag-pray together haha siguro kasi feeling ko sasabog yung nasa loob ko.. yung joy at yung bigat?? hindi ko alam.. so kahit natatakot ako at nahihiya.. niyaya ko siyang magpray :) .. so we pray together.. first words pa lang na sinasabi kong 'thank You Lord' hindi ko alam bakit naiiyak na ko.. haha seriously! ewan ko ba.. super thankful at blessed lang ako na pinakilala siya sa'kin ni God.. and siguro andun din yung.. gusto kong may magawa ako (though it's not really my job but it's His job).. yung lahat ng pain na naexperience niya mawala through God's help.. I don't know but alam ko si God yung kikilos :) .. after mag-pray hindi ko alam umiiyak din pala siya.. ewan ang bigat.. ayoko ng ganun siya.. yung hug na na-receive ko nun kay God.. gusto ko din na ma-experience niya.. that's all I can say.. :) and ayun nung paalis na kami.. ang saya.. ang sarap sa pakiramdam.. plus idagdag mo pa yung magandang tanawin.. ang sarap lang sa pakiramdam :) parang ayoko pang umuwi.. ayoko pang matapos yung araw.. gusto ko pang makipag-usap.. or nung nasa bus.. sana di nalang huminto yung bus para hindi pa matapos yung saya.. haha :)

ang saya ng mga nangyari.. ewan.. hindi ko ma-explain bakit ako masaya :) seriously.. naiiyak ako sa sobrang saya :) thank you Lord for this blessing :) .. thank you sa kaibigan na pinadala mo :) thank you for this privilege :)

hindi ko alam kung hanggang kailan yung ganitong feeling.. kung hanggang kailan kami magiging close.. hindi ko alam baka biglang magising na lang din ako na iba na ang lahat. pero sana walang magbago.. sana hanggang forever na yung ganito na may kaibigan akong makakausap sa mga bagay-bagay.. haha seryoso! :) ewan.. madaming fears.. pero again.. thankful pa din ako :) :) :) kung may mangyari man.. alam ko si Lord naman ang bahala :)

basta .. again can't explain how thankful I am right now.. salamat Lord :)

she wears black :)

first time I met this girl was September 17, 2015..
it was just a normal day... wala nga atang nangyaring hi-hello or di man lang niya inintroduce yung sarili niya... all I remember was that parang lahat sila magkakamukha.. that's it! then sumunod na araw, wala busy lang kami sa OJT... then I started to stalk their pictures kasi kailangan ko para dun sa gagawing token for them... hindi ko mahanap yung account niya so pasimple naming inalam ang pangalan niya while in the testing room... pinakita naman niya yung id niya so we got her name...

after that, marami ng nangyari (of course related to our OJT)... nakakatuwa ang bawat isa.. malakas mantrip at mambully.. pero isa sa pinakamagandang ngiti sa kanila ay ang babaeng ito na itago natin sa pangalang "Bungis"... she laughed and smiles at simple things... ang saya pag tumatawa siya :) .. and days passed so fast.. mas nakikilala namin ang bawat isang empleyado dun.. di ako close kay Bungis dahil mas malapit siya sa isa naming ka-OJT though gusto ko siyang maging kaibigan kasi parang ang saya niyang kasama... pero ayun! Haha :)

then one time... habang nag-eencode ako sa computer, wala narinig ko lang na hindi pala dapat psychology ang kukunin niyang course... engineering ang gusto niya (tama nga ba ang pagkarinig ko?) .. then when I heard that, I realized na almost same kami kasi hindi naman namin gusto ang psych pero ayun yung kinuha namin... then naisip ko lang na "may purpose nga si Lord" and gusto kong maki-butt-in that time at sabihin na may purpose kung bakit sa psych siya dinala, pero syempre di naman ako ang kausap niya so tumahimik lang ako sa tapat ng computer.. haha :)

then that afternoon, mas nakilala ko lang ata siya... at natuwa lang ako sa kanya kasi yung tinatanong ako nung mga kasama namin 'bout dun sa ano daw gusto ko sa guy then hindi niya sinabi sa iba though wala naman akong sinabi na di niya sabihin but good thing at di niya rin sinabi.. then napatigil nalang ako nun at napa-smile... in my mind.. "astig 'tong taong toh ah"... wala lang, natuwa lang talaga ako nun.. napakababaw lang naman nun but for me it's a big thing already :)

then monday came, umaga pa lang ang dami ng nangyaring hindi maganda.. I felt like crying that time... even while scanning teary-eyed na ko.. muka akong ewan.. gusto kong mag-cr kasi gusto kong umiyak at mag-pray but I didn't kasi baka magtaka sila.. then in my mind.. "aa may purpose toh kung bakit nangyayari ito".. then break time.. hindi ako nag-break kasi gusto ko lang mapag-isa that time.. then etong makulit na si Bungis niyayaya akong mag-break, may pagtawag pa sa bintana.. ancute at answeet! :) napangiti talaga ako that time :) then tanghali, akala ko okay na ko.. but no.. gusto ko pa din mapag-isa that time pero wala naman akong mapupuntahan.. di naman pwede sa cr kasi lunch time, maraming nagamit... so I just decided to write.. kahit madilim tiyaga lang sa pagsulat.. then may makulit na nagbukas ng ilaw.. pero pinatay din naman niya kasi sabi ko okay lang na walang ilaw... then nung hapon.. while disposing, may binigay na note sakin yung kasama namin.. nung narinig ko na galing daw kay Bungis natuwa ako na nacurious... then nung binuksan ko aaaaa grabe!! naiiyak ako na natutuwa :) :( :) really made my day! siguro kaya ko naexperience yung lahat ng hindi magandang nangyari nung umaga to feel and experience once again God's comfort :) and yung ginamit ni God na tao para maexperience ko yun ay si Bungis :)

everytime that I will read that note, napapangiti lang talaga ako... it means a lot to me! :)

then days go by... yung ineexpect ko na till feb pa ko sa OJT biglang 2 days nalang pala.. :( it really breaks my heart :( but then andun na naman yung word na "purpose".. mahirap pero kailangan mag-obey.. so sige.. adjust in two days!

then friday... labas daw kami, bonding, kain, go! :)
habang nasa district, may nakita kaming damit at sapatos na parang may bungo.. then naalala namin si Bungis.. tapos nagtanong ako sa kasama ko kung bakit siya mahilig sa bungo.. sabi naman nung isa kong kasama, emo daw kasi si bungis.. then napaisip ako nun... though sa pagsstalk ko sa kanya or should I say, dahil sa paghahanap ko ng pic niya, nakita kong mahilig siya sa black, di ko naman naisip na ganun siya kasi ako din mahilig sa black... then napaisip din ako kasi lagi siyang nakangiti at bungisngis.. but then, sumunod na oras at araw, narealize ko, di ko pa nga siya ganung kakilala... behind those smiles and laughters ay may malalim na sugat na wala akong clue kung ano...

na-end na ko sa OJT and hindi ko na alam kung ano yung mga sumunod na pangyayari at bakit bigla na lang kaming madalas mag-usap ni Bungis...

masaya ko na nakaka-usap ko siya at pagka-usap ko siya ewan basta masaya ako :) hindi ko alam kung ano yung nangyari sa past niya that still causes her too much pain... pero feeling ko we've been with the almost same path.. ewan ko.. or mas malalim yung sa kanya..?? basta one thing for sure, may purpose, may dahilan , may reason bakit inallow kami ni Lord na magkakilala :) hindi ko pa alam kung ano yung dahilan but I pray na ma-inspire ko siya in some ways and ma-help na ma-heal through God's love...

gusto kong sabihin sa kanya na love na love na love siya ni Lord.. though it may sound corny.. but that "corny thing", that love changes me... :) that love helps me heal though still hindi pa rin ako fully healed mentally and emotionally I know nasa process na yun.. God changed me and using me and I believe siya rin gagamitin ni God.. I may/might fail to be a friend to her kasi hindi naman ako perfect kaya gusto ko rin sabihin na kay God siya mag-rely.. kasi tao lang ako (though sabi niya alien ako.. haha) tao lang kami, kaya madidisappoint at madidisappoint namin siya so dapat kay God lang nakafocus :)

and isa pa, gusto ko din sabihin na sa times na nalulungkot siya or what, lagi niya lang sabihn na "Lord pagod na pagod na po ko, payakap naman po..." it may sound corny and weird pero based on experience, it's effective :) kelangan lang maniwala si Bungis na love siya ni Lord and everything that happened to her kahit painful is for something greater :)

lastly, gusto ko sabihin sa kanya na thank you! thank you Bungis kasi hindi mo lang alam kung paano mo ko nainspire :) .. sabi ko sa'yo may kwenta ang buhay mo... di ko alam kung paano mo ko nainspire exactly pero sa maraming bagay ang alam ko.. hindi ko alam.. basta I feel so blessed kasi nakilala kita :) no regrets sa lahat ng nangyari.. di man ako naka-graduate, nagka-violation man.. okay lang lahat kasi pinakilala ka naman ni Lord sakin :) .. basta lagi mong tandaan, You are LOVED, you are BLESSED, you are HIGHLY FAVORED, you are MADE FOR MORE, again, YOU ARE LOVED :)

marami ka pang taong maiinspire if you will just let God use your life :)

wanted to end this by these quote and verse...

"You are product of your past but you don't have to be prisoners of it..."
-Rick Warren

"So don't remember what happened in earlier times. Don't think about what happened a long time ago, because I am doing something new! Now you will grow like a new plant. Surely you know this is true. I will even make a road in the desert, and rivers will flow through that dry land
."
Isaiah 43:18-19 (ERV)


dahil mahilig kang magbasa ayan ang nobela ko for you.... :)

Love,
Bulalay :D

Giving Up

I even don't know who I am right now...I feel so tired and helpless.. I'm trying to get better. I want to get better but I can't.. I want it to stop, but I can't..

in the midst of this pain, I know that you are there God... I know that You're watching me.. help me and remind me who I am.. renew my heart.. renew my passion.. help me to be a better person and help me to overcome this battle.. I can't do this on my own so please help me God.

I want to fight. I'm still fighting.

He saw me...

Sunday will always be the day that I'm waiting for for the whole week.. eto yung araw na ii-spend mo sa church for the whole day, listening, talking, laughing and sharing the word of God.. pero simula 2014, I don't know what happened.. tinamad akong gumising ng maaga, I feel so lazy going to church.. until this day (feb 23, 2014), natulog lang ako till lunch.. I don't want to go to church and I want to make some excuses.. but then, kahit late, ayun dinala pa rin ni Lord yung mga paa ko sa church..

pagdating ko dun, iba lang yung feeling.. I was speechless, I don't even want to sing..  then I just noticed that tears fell on my eyes.. then sinasabi ko nalang kay Lord na, "pagod na pagod na ko" .. I was struggling.. there's a battle within me that I cannot defeat.. then all through out the praise and worship, I was just crying.. asking God for forgiveness and asking Him to renew my strength .. tapos yung message pa eh parang saktong sakto lang sakin..

---we are God's soldier and we're meant to be victorious.. whatever battle that we're going through right now, God can provide a way out for us.. He will never let His soldier be defeated :)

there's no word such as an 'accident'

nakaka-amaze lang si Lord :) every time na magfa-flashback ako, parang napapa-wow lang ako sa mga ginawa ni Lord :)

so let me share to you one of my story na masasabi kong there's no word such as an accident kay Lord :)

it happened May 2012 when I started to fix my requirements para sa pagtransfer ko ng school.. as far as I remember, 2nd week of May ako nag-ayos ng requirements para mas maaga ko din makuha yung papers ko.. pero ang nakakatawa mas nauna pa sila choy na matapos mag-ayos ng requirements sakin.. bakit?? eh kasi naman hindi ko rin alam.. haha joke lang.. ang dami lang nangyari.. wala pang form137, mali ang spelling ng surname ko, and then ang tagal bago mapirmahan yung papers ko.. every time na naaalala ko yun, natatawa ako, kasi kailangan yun pa talaga yung gamiting way ni God para makilala ko si ate anj / ate marie (siya kasi yung sa registrar) .. kung hindi pala ko nagtransfer ng school eh hindi ko pala siya makikilala.. and nakakabless lang talaga ^^ .. bukod kay tortoise, nagkaroon ulit ako ng ate :D

and favorite verse ko talaga toh... "all things work together for our good" Romans 8:28

minsan kung ano pa yung ayaw natin, kung ano pa yung masakit... ayun pa yung nangyayari.. katulad nga nung sakin yung sa pagtransfer ko ng school.. but then, all those things, all those pains.. ayun yung ginagamit ni Lord kasi may gusto Siya sa'yong ituro, may gusto Siya sa'yong ipakilala.. and never waste that opportunity and privilege to be used by God.. kaya kung sino man yung mga taong pinapakilala sau ni God, for sure there's a purpose behind it.. either may gagawin ka sa buhay niya or may gagawin siya sa buhay mo.. :)

never complain, never ask why.. just OBEY God and He will surely bless you :)

Exercise Your Faith

are you in the point of your life where everything is messed up and you just want to give up? kelangan mo ng healing pero lalo ka pang nagkasakit.. you are in deep pain but it seems like wala naman nangyayari every time na tinatawag mo Siya.. gusto ko lang i-share itong verse na ito...

"He never doubted that God would do what He promised. He never stopped believing. In fact, he grew stronger in his faith and just praised God. Abraham felt sure that God was able to do what He promised."

image from google

Romans 4:20-21 (ERV)

may we have that faith like 'Abraham's faith' where he did not doubt and he did not stop believing even when it seems so impossible.. exercise your faith .. kung binigay nga ni God ung kaisa-isa Niyang anak ano pa kaya ang hindi Niya kayang ibigay? He can and He will fulfill what He has promised :)

for our good :)

at this moment, dapat busy ako sa pag-prepare for tomorrow's defense.. pero ayaw pa ng mind ko mag-focus sa research kasi grabe lang ung joy na nararamdaman ko ngayon :D

I just realize how blessed I am.. naisip ko, grabe talaga si Lord :)

"all things work together for the good" -romans 8:28 (esv)

minsan may mga bagay sa buhay natin na we question God bakit ito nangyari/ nangyayari.. minsan nagagalit o nagtatampo tayo sa Kanya.. but then.. He knows what He is doing.. alam Niya kung ano yung makakabuti satin at hindi.. He knows how to handle every situation in our lives.. and pag dumating ka sa point ng buhay mo na hindi mo gusto yung nangyayari.. TRUST HIM .. may dahilan kung bakit nangyayari yun..

and as proven in my life.. narealize ko lang na siguro kung hindi ko pinagdaanan yung mga bagay na yun, kung sumuko ako agad.. wala ako dito ngayon.. I mean.. without those trials, without those situations, hindi ako ganitong kasaya ngayon.. :D

kaya always remember na if you are bombarded with trials at this moment, God is doing something... He chose you to experience it because He wants to change and use your life :)

it's TIME!

photo taken at LPU cavite :)

ang sarap sa pakiramdam nung feeling na may nagmamahal sa'yo no matter how imperfect you are... yung tipong kahit ang dami mong nagawang kasalanan, He loves you the same..  and that love is from Christ :) .. call me crazy 'coz it really sounds so crazy, pero yung crazy love na yun yung tanging dahilan why I am still alive :) and that same love yung gusto kong i-share at maramdaman ng mga tao sa paligid ko..

last time, habang nagmumuni-muni ako, I was amazed kay Lord na ang dami pala Niyang dinagdag na mga tao sa buhay ko.. and ang tanong, bakit? para san? .. I believe na every person na pinapakilala satin ni Lord is for a purpose, either we need to encourage them or sila naman yung makakatulong satin.. and sabi ko, I was very thankful sa mga taong nakilala ko ngayon, pero ang tanong, may nagawa na kaya kong impact sa buhay nila? I mean, naparamdam ko ba sa kanila yung love na naexperience ko kay Lord?

it's now time for me, and for us to stand.. :)
okay, sabihin na natin na sa una eh sympre makikiramdam muna tayo sa kanila, but after how many months, siguro kailangan na natin mag-stand and share that love we have experienced from Christ .. kasi kung tunay mong naranasan yan, dapat sabik na sabik ka din i-share yan kasi ayaw mong ikaw lang ang nakaka-experience niyan :)

be the SALT and LIGHT in this world -- matthew 5:13-16

A Song for Him

"Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks..." Luke 6:45

I was the youth at the back part of the room.. crying, so lonely, and feel so alone.. You told me that You are there, You can be my friend.. but I refuse Your love, I reject You once again...

and day goes by, You never stop calling me, You never stop until I said 'yes' ... and that 'yes' starts a new beginning, a new relationship that feels so different..

and I just want to say thank You Jesus, thank You Father, thank You my Best friend, for reaching Your hands to me... I just want to say sorry Jesus, sorry Father, sorry my Best friend for rejecting Your love in my life...

I feel so blessed having You in my life.. and I thought I could not ask for more, but here the tempter comes.. stealing the joy You put in my heart...

I thought I was different now.. I said my life will never be the same again.. but why I am here in this situation once again, hurting You and acting like I don't even know You in my life..

I need Your comfort right now. can You please hug me so tightly, and whisper in my ear how much You love me...

and I just want to say I need You Jesus, I need You Father, I need You my Best friend.. come and change my life again.. please hug me so tightly... love me forever.. hold me so firmly.. 'coz I don't want to be away... away from You...

-- ow yes... feeling writer si ako.. hehe pero basta bigla nalang siyang lumabas at aking isinulat :) .. ayun, ung chorus pa lang ang may tono.. the rest,.. kayo na bahala ang maglagay :D